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Teaching Your Child to be a Kind Friend

Knowing how to make friends and keep friendships is one of the most important life skills your child can have. All parents want their children to be kind and to have friends. Achieving the social and emotional maturity to do so is one of the main goals of most preschools. Use these ideas to help your child develop empathy, learn to play fair, and reach out to other children.

You are your child's ultimate role model. Every kind word or action you do is sure to be noticed - and hopefully emulated - by your child, so take advantage of opportunities to show your child how you treat your friends.

Create opportunities for your child to be a friend. Host playdates at your home. Give your child the chance to invite friends over; then, model for her how she should treat her guests.

Some children need practice with recognizing social cues. Role-playing can help your child understand things like give-and-take in a conversation, appropriate volume, personal space, and eye contact. Practice playing "preschool" or "playdate" with your child. Encourage him to act like he does with his friends. Remind your child to look you in the eye when speaking. Gently guide him to stand an appropriate distance from you as you play, if necessary. Ask questions that show you are interested in what he is doing if he needs help being comfortable responding to others. The more you practice with him, the less he will have to worry about whether he is acting like the other children.

Shy children have a hard time expressing themselves to other children. If you notice your child does not converse easily with other children or seems unresponsive, ask her questions about what she wants to play. Getting a shy child past the awkwardness of initiating the play and into the play itself removes the barrier between your child and her friend and lets their common interest in the play take over.

If your child initiates an argument or hits or bites another child, make sure he understands that he has hurt his friend. Help him apologize sincerely and make amends by hugging his friend, giving back a toy he grabbed, etc.

If your child and a friend are having a disagreement, try to elicit ideas from the two about how to solve the problem.

When your child is the victim of another child's aggression, it can be a fine line between teaching her to stand up for herself and teaching her to retaliate. Hitting back is never a good idea. It does not teach children how to get beyond the hitting and usually escalates to fighting. Encourage your child to use her words to make it clear how she feels. For example, teach her to say, "I was not finished with that toy. Please give it back. I will let you play with it when I am finished." Encourage your child to speak loudly if she wants to alert the teacher to the fact that she is having trouble with another child.

When your child has used his words and the other child has not responded or continues to be aggressive, your child should let the teacher know what is going on. This does not mean telling the teacher things like, "I want that toy. Make him give it to me." But if he is hurt or does not know what to do next, a teacher should be able to intervene.

Article from Key Education: The Everything Book for Child Care & Preschool.

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